a talent for improvised dishonesty
by splendidlyimperfect
Summary: When Natsu hears about the new lord in Upper Magnolia who's rumored to have a magical ring that lets him walk through walls, he convinces the team to crash the lord's party and steal it. But when their target turns out to be something completely unexpected, the heist ends up being much more complicated than they thought. / prequel to 'one third bad intentions'


"If we manage to get out of this alive, I'm going to cut off Natsu's balls and feed them to the sharks."

Sting rubbed a hand over his face and sighed noisily, then looked down at the little girl standing in front of him. She didn't say anything, just stared up at him with wide, blue eyes and bunched the skirt of her frilled dress in her hands.

"I'm not going to hurt you, darling," Sting reassured her, crouching down to her level and giving her what he had been told was his most charming, innocent smile. He held out his hand and she studied it for a second before reaching out and taking it. "There you go, love. You want to get out of here?"

She looked around the room, eyes landing on a small toy that was tucked onto the bed. Sting reached over and grabbed it – a small, plush cat – and handed it to her. "Better?"

She nodded and Sting squeezed her hand, then stood up and peeked out the door.

"All right," he sighed, glad to see that the guards were still unconscious. "Since this whole thing was Natsu's cockup, we're going with his sure card." He looked down at the little girl and grinned. "Let's go burn something down."

* * *

**Two Weeks Earlier**

"Whatever it is that you're plotting does not count as 'lying low' and you know it."

Gray scowled at Natsu, who was sitting on top of the dining room table in the guild basement looking frighteningly pleased with himself.

"Who says I'm plotting?" Natsu said, trying his best to look innocent.

"I've lived with you for twelve years," Gray said, "and I'd recognize that idiotic expression from all the way across Magnolia." He turned to Erza, throwing his hands up in exasperation. She looked up from her dinner and gave him a half-shrug, lip curling up in a smile when he groaned and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Just hear me out," Natsu insisted. "It's not just money – it's magic!"

Gray stared at him. "We are _not," _he said slowly, leaning forward with his hands on the table, "fucking with the bondsmagi."

"Gods, no," Sting interrupted from his spot at the table next to Erza. "Even Nastu isn't that much of a twat. Right?" When Natsu didn't answer, Sting pinched his thigh._ "Right?" _

"Of course not!" Natsu said brightly, batting away Sting's hand. Gray glared at him suspiciously, then sighed and leaned back against the other table, arms crossed against his chest. "Look," Natsu continued, "Sting and I heard some of the lads down at the alehouse talking about that new Lord in Upper."

"Bora?" Rogue asked, eyebrows raised.

"I think you mean 'Lord Bora of Prominence,'" Sting corrected in a ridiculous high Therin accent. Erza snorted. "Nobody else calls him that, but he's apparently very fond of himself."

"Well he can also apparently walk through walls," Natsu said, "so he might be onto something."

"Nobody can walk through walls except the bondsmagi," Gray said darkly, "and even that's up for debate. Does he have the marks?"

Gray gestured to his forearm, the traditional place where bondsmagi wore their circular tattoos marking their rank in the sorcerer's guild. As a magic user, membership in the guild was mandatory, and if you didn't want to join – well, nobody who valued breathing ever refused the bondsmagi.

"According to our sources, no." Natsu shook his head.

"And are your sources those brats from the Half-Crowns?" Gray demanded. "Because the last time we got a tip from them, I ended up with this." He pushed back his hair to show off the thin, white scar that ran just above his eyebrow.

"That was an accident and you know it," Natsu protested, hopping down off the table and tugging his own shirt up to show off the bandage over the still-healing wound on his hip. "And mine's worse."

"I know," Gray said, "I sutured it. And isn't that exactly why we're supposed to be laying low? You got stabbed on the last job!"

"Lightly stabbed," Natsu corrected.

"You can't get 'lightly stabbed,' you twit, you're either stabbed or you aren't."

"All right, ladies, enough bickering." Sting gestured for Natsu and Gray to separate. Then he turned back to Erza and added a quick, "no offense meant." She rolled her eyes and continued eating.

"You think we should do it, right?" Natsu looked at Sting with wide eyes and Sting sighed.

"You did get stabbed very recently," he admitted, "but there _might _be something to it. Maybe." He turned to Gray. "It wasn't just the Half Crowns. The Eight Crows and one of the sneaks from the Dragontooth Brotherhood said they saw Lord Bora disappear in the middle of a crowd. Not just running away – vanished into thin air."

"How soused were they?" Rogue asked, kicking his feet up on the table.

"Fairly," Sting admitted. "But Kagura said she saw him too."

Gray raised an eyebrow. Kagura ran Mermaid Heel, the all-women's guild that took care of Magnolia's brothels. They had been around for years, ever since a nobleman had beaten one of the girls and Kagura had cut off his cock in retaliation. After that, it had been easy to remove the rest of the men from the guild, and now every brothel and bawdy house was under Kagura and her girls' protection. Gray had seen Kagura slit more than one man's throat in broad daylight and had never known her to lie.

"She saw him vanish?" he asked.

Sting shook his head. "She said he was at the Inn and Out down by the docks, but he didn't take any of the girls, just poked around a bit. Kagura cornered him 'cause he was acting queer and she said he just turned and walked through the wall."

"Through the wall?" Rogue leaned forward on the table. "We're _sure_ he's not a bondsmagi?"

"If he was, he'd be up in Era with the rest of them," Natsu said, waving his hand dismissively. "Off charging hundreds of thousands of solons to topple governments, not bootlicking the Don and Doña."

"Well then how in the hells is he using magic?" Gray demanded. "Alchemy's one thing, but it won't get you through walls or make you disappear."

"Kagura thinks he's got a Remnant," Natsu said. "A big one." He gave them all a significant look.

"That's... unlikely," Erza said, setting down her utensils and leaning forward onto the table. "Nobody's ever had one that powerful." The tiny stones, remnants of a once-powerful crystal, could be used to do minor magic – small things like levitating a sheaf of paper, or temporarily changing one's hair color. They were a good distraction on cons, and the guild had several in the vault, but none of them were powerful enough to make a man disappear.

"They all said he had a ring," Natsu explained. "Big red gem, and it flashed before he used the magic. That has to be how he's doing it."

"So, you want to nick this ring?" Gray studied Natsu and Sting, who both nodded.

Natsu bounced on his toes and grinned at Gray. "Picture the look on Captain Lahar's face if we got collared, and then just disappeared from the prison!"

Gray tipped his head from side to side, looking past Natsu to gauge Rogue and Erza's reactions. If Erza shut down a plan, it wouldn't go ahead, no matter how much Natsu wanted to do it. The one time he'd tried to go behind her back, he'd mysteriously woken up with lockjaw. He hadn't been able to talk for a week, and it had never happened again.

Erza stared at the patterns in the oak table for a minute, then looked up at Natsu. "I might have heard," she said slowly, "that there's a party being held at Bora's place in the Uppers."

Natsu perked up even more and turned to Gray. "You love parties!"

"I do not."

"Do so."

"Do not."

"You did go on quite a bit about the last party," Rogue said, giving Gray a sly look. Gray gritted his teeth, willing his cheeks to stop burning. He'd been a bit tipsy after their last fancy job and had effused to Rogue – at length – about how fantastic Natsu's arse had looked in his leggings.

"Well, you might have a bit of a time getting into this party," Erza said to Natsu. "It's a fancier's show. Apparently, he's been inviting all the ladies to see the lavish new winter fashions from Crocus – and the invitations was for _those of the fairer sex_ exclusively."

Natsu opened his mouth, then surprised Gray by frowning, considering what he might have been going to say, and deciding to not say it instead.

"Before you ask," Erza added, "I will _not _be wearing a gown _or _accepting any sort of affections from Bora, no matter how 'prominent' he is."

"What if he's prominent…" Natsu laughed and gestured to his groin, then yelped as Erza tossed her butter knife at him. "All right, I know your inclinations run more to the cu—"

"Think hard before you finish that sentence," Erza warned, picking up her fork and pointing it at Natsu. He put both hands up in surrender, shifting so that Sting was slightly in front of him.

"Look," Sting said quickly, "nobody needs to get dismembered, and Erza doesn't have to wear a dress."

"I take it you have an idea, then?" Gray asked.

"That I do," Sting said, wrapping his arm around Natsu and grinning at him. "Since this is Natsu's idea, we're going to make him into the prettiest noblewoman in Magnolia."


End file.
